Believe…

This blog post is one I have been trying to write for quite some time, it’s not to be ostentatious or anything like that, it’s more of a sharing of my journey of my belief. I have been reflecting  on how I have come to be where I am,  so let me share my journey…
When I was in school I hated it, I had no time for education and I believed that you were far better off in the world working and earning an income than being educated. This belief for me steamed from my teachers saying to me you will never be anything or anyone so don’t bother.  I was in the bottom grade at school and left without school certificate, which in my day was 5th form.
Having left school I went on an office skills course and dabbled away at office / reception work.  I was married in my early 20’s and separated in my late 20’s which for me was a massive sense of failure. From here I travelled, I explored countries some with friends, but most on my own and I found my independence and my sense of what I wanted to be doing in the world, but the question for me was how.  I wanted to be in a job where I was helping people; I had no idea of what that looked like because I was 28 years old.
I came back to NZ still not sure of ‘how’,  and certainly not ready for my family questioning me on my failed marriage.  So I left again, and worked at a ski resort hotel for a winter season.  During this time my aunt passed away giving birth to a baby, and I was in a position to help my uncle with his children so I did, for two years, and during this time, I decided that I wanted to advance myself,  I didn’t want to be in office work anymore, I wanted to create things.  So I did a post graduate diploma in event management and from my internship I worked in event management for 10 years, I loved creating things from nothing and making things happen. But I always had a sense that I wanted more… I had thoughts of being unhappy with who I was, I was in event management and quite good at it, I had pushed myself, and decided to get into sports so took up cycling and multi-sport events, which developed my love of getting out in nature, but I always had this thought of wanting to really help people,  and make a difference in people’s lives. So a role came up with World Vision in Auckland, and I thought this is it, this is my turn to really help and make a difference, so I left all my friends and moved to Auckland.  But this role never fulfilled me, never met my expectation of helping people, nor did it match the ego I had at the time. So I had this yearning to help people that was not being fulfilled, I was in the best place to fulfil this but was miserable, I felt so entrapped and frustrated that I was not doing what I wanted to do, was not making a difference.  I discovered yoga during this time,  and fell in love with the practice with the patience one must have with oneself, and I wanted to develop this further.

So age 39  I made a choice, it was to either go travelling or to study to develop myself and my thoughts further.  So I discovered a degree paper, in natural medicine.  This is a paper that combines natural medicine, nutrition, anatomy, physiology and pathophysiology  all going towards helping people in a natural and holistic way.  And can I say wow what a journey. I told my family what I was doing and  I still believe to this day they think I am nuts. This paper has pushed me and developed my thinking so much, for 4 years this has been the most intense experience, I have gone from feelings of I don’t belong here, what am I thinking,  I have had A’s, B’s, C’s and D’s I have had thoughts of I can’t do it, I am stupid, I don’t know anything, why would anyone want to see or listen to me.  But through it all there is an underlying belief in myself of not wanting to give up, of wanting to help, and a sense of privilege when you listen to people’s life story’s and an amazing feeling of gratitude when your help and support makes a difference to someone’s life.   I am in my final six months of this degree, and what a pleasure it is to sit alongside people and help them.

I don’t know where I will be in a year’s time, but one thing I do know is I have taken the step in the direction of where I want my life to go, I have chosen to ignore the critics and the cynics and have opted to follow this internal belief I have of wanting to help people.  And in Gandi’s words our beliefs become our thoughts, our thoughts become our words, our words become our habits, our habits become our values, our values become our destiny.
Go strong and go bold  and thank you for allowing me to share my journey thus far  Namaste xx