Communication….why are we so crap at it?

My goodness, why is this the one thing that we as humans are so crap at?  Honestly when you look at the tools around us to make our lives as communicators easier and better we really do suck.. We have cell phones, email,  texting, twitter, whats app, facebook, instagram, quick chat, plus thousands of other technology tools to enhance our ability to communicate yet we suck.

Our problem is ourselves we stop communicating. You might be in a marriage, relationship, friendship, business partnership or whatever and perhaps one party has said something that has annoyed the other party and instead of saying you don’t agree and why.  You stop talking, internalise whatever it is that you don’t agree with and before you know it you have developed a communication barrier with the other person.  And instead of saying to the person ‘hey I don’t agree with what you said’ you suppress your thoughts and feelings and start manifesting in your internal dialogue about how this has annoyed you, and before long you have 1,000 other internal thoughts of everything this person has done to annoy you, then you create this stance of I am not talking to them and on it goes.

I think if you were to meet your internal dialogue as another human being and actually have a conversation with it, I am pretty sure you would come away saying wow that is some messed up person!  You know the voice,  like this, no don’t like that, say this, what did you say that for, Oh this person doesn’t like me, I’m not talking to them because they said…, or it’s their fault etc etc….

Well here’s the thing..We create our own reality, we create our own internal dialogue, we create our own thoughts, we are the ones that create our anxiety, stress, fears, worries and maybe we create this from learned behaviours or whatever but if you stop and objectively look at those internal fears, or that internal chatter is it simply there because we have been too fearful to say something to the other person?

I am not saying abuse the other person or go around swearing your head off at them.. What I am saying is instead of internalising and not communicating you actually communicate to the other person, instead of not saying something because you worry about what they will think of you.  Say it.   If you don’t understand what the person is saying tell them, if the person has said something that has hurt you, let them know, and let them know why.  How often is it that you get to a broken down relationship and you find out the other party never knew the person thought or felt that way?

Talk to each other

Be honest

Listen to each other

Respect each other’s point of view, if we were all the same or thought the same we would be so boring

Don’t yell and shout and carry on that is just fear and anxiety playing out.  If you are on the receiving end of this walk away, don’t allow yourself to be spoken to like that.

Make eye contact with each other when you are communicating, there is no point talking to the back of someone.

Sit down beside the person, make tea and talk about what is bothering you, how you are feeling, what your worries are.  And if it is some full on serious thoughts or problems then seek help.  There is nothing wrong or weak about needing to see someone to help you through what you are struggling with.

The world would be far less confusing for all if we all took a minute to properly communicate with each other, instead of I’m not talking to this person because of… make time to see the person and sit down and really chat.  Make tea and peace and harmony will come…  Me xx